it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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