The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
