remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
