I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
