so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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