why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
