Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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