apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
