Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
