ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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