OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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