she woke up with a sticky ear
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
