He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize