They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
