apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
