oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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