im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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