guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
