definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
