so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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