I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
