Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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