After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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