I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
