apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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