sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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