You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
