question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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