Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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