id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
