..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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