I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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