Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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