I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
