She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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