just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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