"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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