Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish they made helmets for livers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
