CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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