she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a beard to bite.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
