In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my shit smells like andre
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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