We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
