ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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