dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
two words...techno handjob
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
