And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
