corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
