would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
