does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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