Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
