I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
