is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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