The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
