I want to have your abortion
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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