Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
