So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
