Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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