i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm drive I can fine osifer
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
