why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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