I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize