y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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