I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
