that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
