you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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