4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
